An Idle Mind is the Devil's Workshop (Written Jan. 29, 2012)

I've been in country for nearly three weeks, and have had an amazing time thus far. The Peace Corps has thrown a lot on our plate, teaching us about why the Peace Corps is in Panama, how we can protect ourselves from illness, attack, or cultural faux pas, how to teach English (a little), and so on. As I mentioned before, our schedule is mostly fixed, with Spanish classes in the morning and tech/ Teaching English classes in the afternoon. However, they continue to switch things up. On Fridays, we go back to our original stomping ground, the former military base closer to the capital known as Ciudad del Saber, for full-group tech sessions about this or that. Only then do we Teaching English volunteers get to see the other group, Community Environment Conservation. In addition to that, we have occasional outings to various places. We've gone to a place called La Chorrera, a larger city in the province, for a fun adventure day where groups of us had maps and had to arrive at various spots, ask directions, and figure out how to manage ourselves using Spanish, and how to have our wits about us at every moment.

We had a similar day in the capital city of Panamá, and there's a funny story there. At that point, I had not been able to get a cell phone. The Peace Corps had suggested that we all get cell phones to keep in touch both with each other and the Peace Corps. So on the day we were all in the massive Albrook Mall, hoards of trainees bombarded the Digicel kiosks and stores. I, unfortunately, did not get one. So on this Panamá adventure day, I was without cell phone. This is an important detail. Our group's plan was to meet at 8 in the morning...somewhere. And therein lay the conflict. I thought we were meeting in front of the school where our tech classes take place. Evidently, that was not the case. It turned out they were about 200 meters down the road at the bus stop. So, since I never met up with my group, they left me behind. It was a bit terrifying in the moment. I called the emergency number for the Peace Corps, known as the Duty Officer, and she suggested I just go myself and...BAM! The pay phone cut off. I went to a small hub for getting buses ten minutes down the road, called the Duty Officer again, and she said my group would most likely be waiting for me when I...dial tone again. Stupid pay phone. But I made it to Panamá without any problem. I believe I got there at around the same time as some of the groups, considering that I was only one person, as opposed to a group. So it all worked out in the end.

However, I since a bit of antagonism from Panamanians to gringos. It's pretty standard for the men on the buses to try to pull a fast one on us and charge more for a ride than they would charge natives. And when the groups of trainees went to the cell phone kiosks, they occasionally tried to claim that they were closed. On an individual basis, it's a bit better. People stop themselves and ask, Does it offend you that I'm calling you gringo? Considering the rocky past with Americans and how many people in the countryside have no exposure to foreigners, I suppose it comes with the territory, so I shouldn't complain.

This weekend, Peace Corps sent us out to visit current volunteers to see how their life is, ask them a million questions and all that. However, as it's summer vacation, there isn't too much to do. Although I've enjoyed my time here, I have realized something very important: I need to keep myself busy to avoid going insane. La pereza me saca de quicio...and that's fa sho. Thus far, homesickness hasn't hit me too hard, but it does come creeping up when I have nothing else to focus my thoughts on. On a free Saturday last week, for example, we had nothing going on. It was an especially difficult day, since the roads near my house were being repaired, and thus there was no running water. It was hot and sticky. My clothes were dirty, but I couldn't wash them. Small things can build up, and by the time dinner rolled around and no one was sitting with me to eat, a frog got lodged in my throat and I missed home. To avoid that, I have to take advantage of everything I have. I need to read the books I brought. I should go visit the volunteers, who, thankfully, are still right around the corner. I should make the effort to not only absorb knowledge by reading and listening, but be active in my learning of Spanish and talk, talk, talk. But it takes a while to get over the pena.

I believe I've realized an important truth for having effective service: keep myself busy. Now I just need to implement it into daily life. So on my daily checklist, at the very top I will undoubtedly see: do something.

Por fin, routine! (Written Jan. 17, 2012)

Today marks one week since my departure from the United States, and only now does it feel like leaving everything behind. It took a while for it to feel that way. The Peace Corps staging in Miami (Jan. 10) was a nice comforting entrance into the process, an orientation where I met all the volunteers and aligned more with the Peace Corps' vision. After that we made our way to Panama City, but we spent our first week in a former military base outside the capital. The retreat was a great way to get to know the volunteers and begin to learn about our purpose, but it wasn't much of an authentic experience. We've spent most of our time surrounded by English speakers who introduced themselves, explained their role, and gave several seminars about safety, the goals and objectives of the organization, and other logistical issues. Although I wanted to jump right in, I understand why it's done this way. Peace Corps is easing us in to the culture. Honestly, after my Argentina experience, I'm very glad that the Peace Corps has shown us the strong support system in place for volunteers. I'm well taken care of. That's for sure.

On Sunday the 15th we left the military base/ international organization hub (where the US Embassy is located) and headed for the interior. At that point, the two sectors of our training group (Teaching English and Community Environment Conservation) split to head to our respective training sites. There we have been placed with host families in the town where we will be for the nine weeks of training. In the morning we have Spanish classes, and in the afternoon we have our project-related classes, which for me is Teaching English. The topics of the afternoon classes vary, and most recently we worked on how to work effectively with Non-Native English Speaking Teachers (or NNESTs...lots of jargon involved in the Peace Corps). Hopefully, the classes will at least begin to prepare us for what's to come. Current volunteers have come to share anecdotes and advice, which is very insightful.

I live with a wonderful and young host family: the parents are around my age and they have an irresistibly cute 4 year-old son. I've already fallen in love with him, which was totally expected. I got lost on the way home from class one afternoon, which was also expected... But no matter how crazy it seems now, or how afraid I am of the uncertain future, I know that I'm not alone. I share in this experience with all my fellow volunteers (many of whom speak Spanish at a lower level than I do). The Peace Corps staff are here to support and assist me all throughout my training and service. And most importantly, I have friends and family at home who care about me very deeply.

Packed Up. Ready to go?

After a wonderful past few days (including a very well-attended farewell party at Cottage Inn in Ann Arbor), the next stage hit me: actually leaving. Tomorrow. On the day before I leave, I've been running last-minute errands, trying to include everything I could possibly need in my luggage. Of course it's unlikely that I have everything I need, but at this point, it's time to stop fixating on it. I've packed and unpacked the bags a few times, trying to take several inventories and testing out the bags' capabilities. Now, I'm staring at the bags across from me. In only two bags, one a hiking backpack and the other an Earth Angels duffel bag (LLEA!), I have packed two years of my life.

So now I'll tell you what I'm bringing. I apologize in advance if you're not interested in what I'm bringing, but I plan to go into detail for the people who, like me, were searching desperately for advice on what to bring with them on their Peace Corps journey.



Luggage
-large hiking backpack (60L capacity)
-relatively large duffel bag (carry-on)

Camping Equipment
-small day pack
-hydra pack (the thingy with the straw that all those fancy hikers use. I'm excited for drinking water outta that!)
-sleeping bag
-sleeping mat
-backpack rain cover
-backpack duffel maker (to protect the straps when going through baggage claim)
-travel pillow
-packable throw blanket
-wind-up flashlight
-headlamp (requested and recommended by current volunteers and the Peace Corps itself)
-iron padlock
-travel alarm clock
-swiss army knife (with which I have already cut myself)
-spork/knife 3-in-1 combo utensil
-camper's toilet paper (thanks, Marie! Kinda.)
-small radio

Clothes
-rain jacket
-2 sweatshirts (repping U-M and Summer in the City)
-8 short-sleeved t-shirts
-3 short-sleeved collared shirts
-2 pairs of shorts
-swimtrunks
-4 pairs of pants: 2 khakis, 1 jeans, 1 linen
-2 athletic shorts
-8 pairs of socks
-7 pairs of underwear
-3 long-sleeved dress shirts
-5 undershirts
-5 handkerchiefs
-sweatband, armband, bandana (for both style and function)

School Supplies
-markers
-colored pencils
-crayons
-sharpies
-and much more... (I will stop there in order to maintain the appearance of sanity, but there's enough for a small and large pouch.)

Electronics
-digital camera
-Kindle
-iPod
-solar recharger
-battery recharger
-AA/AAA rechargeable batteries

Fun & Games
-deck of playing cards
-UNO
-Bananagrams
-The Giving Tree (my favorite book, which I plan to share with and give to my school)
-squid knit toy, named Chipirón


"Oh, hey."

Miscellaneous
-Glee Club flask
-legal pad and envelopes (for writing letters to my peeps. Thanks Anne!)
-4 composition notebooks
-small journal
-address book
-day planner
-passport/ travel "I'm a tourist, but I'm safe about my essentials" carrying case
-Panama Peace Corps Welcome Book
-world/Michigan/Metro-Detroit maps
-somewhat completed Peace Corps forms, immunization records, etc. (aka all the boring stuff)

It seems like a lot to me, but it ended up being well within the weight limit. So that's good. I'm glad about that. The clothes I'm wearing tomorrow are all set out, and my cell phone is set to be cancelled on January 12.

So, everything is ready to go, except for me...

Life in Reverse

Preparation for the Peace Corps has forced me to look back. I've been cleaning out closets and drawers, emptying their contents and deciding what to take with me and what to throw or give away. Even more difficult is considering what I'll actually want to see when I get back. It's a daunting process, which is why it's taken several days.

What started as a organized and streamlined process has devolved into a stroll down memory lane. I've already come across a number of relics: a silver chain, a gift from my Grandma for my First Communion; the keys to a chest in the basement, a handmade gift from my Grandpa Chet for my high school graduation; a three-peso bill from Cuba from my recent Glee Club trip; warm fuzzies from the Dicks and Janes retreats, etc. Obviously, I'm keeping that stuff, but there are plenty of other things that fall into the gray area. It's a lot. Now that I have this opportunity to strip down to the bare essentials and basically start over, part of me wants to purge everything. At the same time, this is my chance to look back and appreciate the great life I've lived until now and preserve those memories. Concert programs, my first driver's license, librettos from musicals past...all these things tell the story of who I am. I won't say who I was, because it's still me. I just don't want to forget any of it while I'm gone.

All this cleaning out has made me live in reverse, which also inevitably distracts from the recent future. I kind of feel like I'm going into this whole thing ass first. People keep asking me questions I can't answer. I don't know where I'll be living during my service. I don't know how often I'll be able to come home and visit. I don't know what will happen if I decide to leave early. I just don't know. I have no idea what to expect from this experience. For the most part, I'm going in totally blind, all the while looking back hoping that home will be there when I get back. I'm finally leaving home, and it's likely that I won't ever live there again. Should I call it a quater-life crisis? I guess at this point I have to whip back into drive and live. I have to willingly give up my life here-even with all the uncertainty that lies ahead-in order to discover a new one.