Small Victories, Small Failures

Every day is unique. Each one is comprised of small victories, small failures, and more often than not, a combination of the two.

Every now and then, I have one of those days...Days when the students don`t pay attention or things get lost on them, even when I speak in Spanish. Days when the heat covers me in a thin layer of sweat and renders me incapable of doing anything. Can`t read, write, sleep, play, nothing. Days when I feel like nothing I do here will have any lasting effect. The pronunciation will slide back to its previous level, teachers will spend the whole class yelling and telling kids to "Copy quicker" instead of engaging them with interactive activities where they might--crazy concept here--speak English. Days when I wonder, "What am I doing here? I don`t belong here."

Then there are other days. A bad day in class turns upside-down when I go out and play with the neighborhood kids. Although it may have seemed like I couldn`t get through to them in class, I find that my frustration (sometimes visible) has no effect on my relationship with them. They still jump all over me, ask me to play soccer or spin them around like a young father would his kids, or play cards or board games. I go to sleep those nights feeling content, like I might just have some positive effect on those kids, even though it might not have anything to do with English.

I also have another reason to rejoice. I have started giving afternoon classes to the middle and high school students. There were some setbacks along the way. First I had to write up permission slips with the secretary to ask the parents` permission to allow their kids to participate. This was after I had my lists of students all ready to go. That cut the lists down a bit. Then, a scheduling issue arose. The director told me I couldn`t have class after 3p.m., which made accomodating seven groups of students tough, since I wanted each group to meet twice a week. This class only has one hour available a week, and then I`ve already set up that time with another class. Ugh. Rough. It all worked out and I`ve got my classes, although some meet only once a week. The second class for one group of ninth graders, yesterday, the 3rd, was a huge success. I had students who were convinced they couldn`t speak English having a short conversation. Given, it was only, "Hello. What`s your name. My name is _. What`s his name? His name is_." However, it`s more speaking than they`ve ever done in other English classes. That was a small victory. The students proved to me that they`re willing to try. More importantly, they proved to themselves that they`re capable. Big strides, but hard to measure right away.

So there are those good days with more victories than failures, and then the other days, which are the complete opposite. The problem is that, right now, there seem to be three failures to every small victory. But I keep plugging along. I keep trying.